18 weeks

It’s been 18 weeks since Noah’s diagnosis!

It feels like he has been in treatment so much longer. When you live the “cancer life” it seems so much longer than what reality is..!
Noah has amazed me with his strength! I have watched him fight and have not left his side once. The days he plays and has energy makes us forget for just a little bit that he has cancer! Then there are days, especially in the beginning that I cannot get out of my head! Seeing him so sick and not being able to do anything to comfort him as hard as I tried…was hard to watch! Some chemo days still have that effect on him.
He has such a long journey…that is not even close to being finished!
Noah made a comment to me yesterday and said…
”Mom, I will be almost 9 years old when I beat Leukemia!” It literally made me think…and he was right!! He will have to fight that beast for that long!!
I know there are days he feels great and gets antsy staying home. He tells me he misses the beach and going to the stores with me. He misses going to the park and playing with friends. It just breaks my heart that a part of his childhood is being taken from him because he is fighting a battle no little kid should ever have to fight. I do my best to make sure he has fun at home and I make sure he has things to occupy his time at home! We get through it….but as a mom, it hurts hearing those things because we just want our kids to have a fun and normal childhood. Even though he is so positive and understanding …he is still a 6 year old little boy wanting to do normal 6 year old things.
We are constantly worrying about germs and keeping Noah safe all the time! It has made us feel so torn with close friends and family…because we worry about exposure and we have had to set certain boundaries. Our hearts say one thing and yet…what we learn and are taught during his treatment says another…but at the end of the day we need to do what is best for Noah!
I have struggled with faith most of my adult life…and I am trying desperately to restore it. I continue to question why this has happened and I know I will never find that answer!
But as I end my thoughts on here…

I do know that it has opened my eyes to many different things and I appreciate so much more in my life! My son has taught me many things these last 18 weeks. He is truly amazing and I will continue to let him know everyday how amazing he is!